On location in exotic Cambodia and Vietnam, episode two of Twitter’s Next Top Model is filled with controversy as three cats and a plush bear vie for the diamond collar prize, plus the cover of @SnuffyNorton’s Bearmani Fashion Magazine: Fauxgue.
Previously unseen contestant @TeddyRupert swept Asia by storm, using his sexy acrylic charms. Teddy posed with elephants as esteemed fashion photographer Nigel BARKr snapped shots yelling, “Work it Teddy.” But it was Teddy’s photo shoot “Spiritual Journey” that pushed the other contestants to spitting fits when he posed as a monk, with a monk.
In his ad campaign for GQ Magazine, Teddy showed Tyson Beckford how a tailored three-piece suit should be worn. In a Vietnamese ballroom full of international bankers wearing business suits, Teddy stood tall as he put everything into his eyes, then softened them each time, just before the lens dropped, catapulting his shoulders above the bankers, as well as his competitors.
With fur flying amidst rumours of anorexia, binging and bulimia, photographer Nigel BARKr demanded gymnastical moves in each pose, requiring stamina and flexibility without messing up fur, makeup or props. Groomers were on stand-by as Mr. K reminded contestants to put one paw in front of the other, and stay fabulous as they sashayed down the fierce catwalk.
Next up was Tahni, whose emotions ran high as she gingerly waved her paws around, but never unleashing fierce claw action or photo presence. Weighed down by her chain tummy belt for dimension, she found it difficult to see past the ruffles on her catsuit used to make her furry chest look fuller.
Twenty-five pound Apple was unable to scale the elephant and then insisted on laying on his back with the bankers, while waving his paws half-heartedly, before becoming distracted by the luncheon banquet. His meticulously manicured nails weren’t enough to hold his jiggles and his wiggles in place.
Someone on set screamed “manatee silhouette,” which sent groomers running to Apple with Suck-It-In Shapewear. A full-scale cat fight broke out, resulting in Apple being squeezed into the tiniest Shapewear possible. Mercifully, he was not required to wear skinny jeans or ride a horse. As Andre Neon says: “Fashion is pain.”
Last up was Suki, who leapt through the air like a furry Gazelle, as she danced on the elephant while changing facial expressions with every shot. Filled with grace and elegance, Suki worked the camera, living up to her nickname: Naomi Hong Kong Super Model. All Suki’s phone-throwing past has left her with fast-action paws and fierce determination to win. Her transformative edge makes her purrfect for commercial appeal, as well as couture shock.
Unfortunately, photographs of a twenty-five pound, plus-sized kitteh laying in a sun puddle didn’t meet the judging panel’s standards. Apple clearly had no idea sports abilities would be involved, and while still reeling from defeat, he screamed he should have won. *Apple gives the stink-eye face and pops open another can of tuna, in yet another emotional-eating binge.*
After his shocking setback, Apple is considering his options if he fails at Twitter’s Next Model, feeling he could still become a star as Twitter’s Biggest Loser.
Late to press: Apple was seen signing a lucrative three-month contract with Suck-It-In Shapewear. Watch for him next week, no longer looking like a manatee, but slim and trim like a furry Polo ad man-cat. Episode three features Tahni in her knockout swimsuit edition. Color blocking will never look the same. We can only pray Apple is still in his Shapewear while modelling his speedos.
Stay furry and fabulous! :=o)